Ignoring the Offering Plate

I know my writing always follows a common theme. No matter what I begin writing, I always revolve back to writing about God and His place in my life. Some of you may be sick of it. Some of you may need it. Some of you may not believe any of it. For those people, I write. I write about God and my Christian walk because that is the only thing that matters. That’s it.

I also write about it because it keeps me accountable and aware. It is oh so easy to simply forget to follow God. It’s easy to get selfish. It’s easy to forget to love. Tonight I am going to open up again about something that, you guessed it, God laid on my heart.

At the beginning of the year, my church, Emmanuel Church of Greenwood (awesome church by the way, if you need one, GO THERE) embarked on a tithe challenge. Our pastor Danny Anderson simply challenged us to commit to tithing 10% each month until May. I listened to that message and said, “piece of cake, I can do that.” So I filled out my commitment card.

Here I am, 6 months later, and I have not tithed a penny. I simply, ignore the offering plate. I know this is personal. I know money is never comfortable to talk about. I know this. But it’s the truth. Why haven’t I tithed? Because I got scared. Not just scared, downright selfish. I calculated and realized just how much 10% was and said, “No way God, I can’t do that!” But I could have. I easily could have. I didn’t have to buy all new summer clothes, but I did. I didn’t have to buy expensive shoes, but I did. I didn’t have to pay for TruGreen so I could have a beautiful lawn, but I did. It was my money right. I worked so hard for it. Right?

The answer is, and always will be, NO! It is not my money. Not one cent of it is mine. It is God’s money. ALL OF IT. It’s not like I don’t know this. Pastor Danny preaches it. I read about it. It’s in the Bible. I’ve heard it countless times. But, I selfishly said, “Nope, God, you can’t have MY money.” What the heck is wrong with me? Am I incapable of learning this fact?

So, I’m sitting here with 9 and 1/2 hours until church, praying that I will be able to realize that I can tithe tomorrow. I can give God His money. I don’t have a lot right now. Our mortgage is due, cable is due, phone bills are due. But my tithe is over-due. There is one thing that we are allowed to test God on. One, out of the entire Bible. . He says in Malachi 3:10, “Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it.”

Okay, God, I may be 6 months late, but I’m finally getting it. Thanks for not giving up on me, yet again. 

A Habit Worth Keeping

I have some horrible habits. These habits have surpassed the bad label and are awarded the merit of horrible. Grotesque really. One such habit leaves me with poor excuses for thumbs. I somehow acquired the habit of thinking my thumb skin is a nutritious snack. I chew on it, pull on it, and bite it off until it bleeds. My thumbs no longer have thumbprints. All that is left is a smooth callused red surface. I know, it’s sick, right? You think it would hurt. You think I would want to stop. But no, as I sit here and write, I pause momentarily to take one more bite of my tormented cuticles.

That’s just my physical habit. Once again, on my quest to live transparently, I am going to admit to you one of my “inside” habits. I have the downright malicious habit of worry. I worry about every.little.thing. I worry about my job. I worry about if I will ever have kids. I worry about money. I worry about getting a gap in my teeth. I worry. Period. Even after I have seen the benefits that can come from laying all my worry down at the feet of Christ, I still worry. I’m a creature of habit. Bad habits.

When we discuss habits, we generally always put the spotlight on bad habits. We seem to forget that some habits are really quite good. Eating healthy is a good habit. Mind you, I lack in that habit big time. Exercising is a good habit. It pains me to say that! However, really think about this one. Although those 2 habits I just mentioned are considered good by the world’s standards, they can easily become bad if you do them with the wrong intention. When you are consumed with eating healthy or exercising because you are vain, then in my opinion it’s a bad habit. I think it is vital to ask yourself, when it comes to your habits, albeit, good or bad, what are your intentions?

When I worry, it is my intention to say to myself, “I’m in control and by worrying I somehow can change my circumstances.” I’m dead wrong. When we begin to realize that we need to turn it all over to God, ALL, not some, we then realize that our habits can go in the right direction. They can be healthy and done with a purpose. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to live a meaningless life. I feel that if I develop better habits, my life will reap the benefits. I’ve seen it happen before.

I was reminded tonight by good ‘ol Max Lucado that there are 4 essential habits that are healthy. Four habits that I lack. I don’t talk to God enough. I don’t study the Bible enough. I don’t give enough. I don’t fellowship enough.

It takes 21 days to start a habit. 3 weeks.  I better get busy. 

Unfathomable Love

They (whoever they are) say that you don’t realize how much you could love a child until you have one. I don’t doubt this. I believe this is true but I don’t have the capacity in my mind or heart at this point to understand it fully. Perhaps one of these days if God wills it, I will have a child of my own to love and cherish more than I would have ever expected. Until that day, I do have something that ‘they’ will say doesn’t compare, but I would say to them, it’s all I have. Don’t knock it.

I have Charlie. Charlie is my 6-pound, delightfully rotten, and cute as a button, Maltese puppy. He is not really a puppy, he is almost two, but he is my baby. He is as loving as he is bratty and my heart loves him so much that it is almost sickening. I always tell my mom that even when I do have kids, Charlie WILL NOT take the back burner. I will love him just the same. I know what you are all thinking, “just you wait.” I’ve heard it before. But, hear me now, Charlie will be in every Christmas picture until he dies because he is part of this family. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it and I will strive to never have to eat my words.

His warm little body is cuddled up next to me as I write this. It’s precious times like these that I crave. He doesn’t always show it but I know he loves me. He nips at me and sometimes growls at me when I smother him in kisses but I know he wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m his momma. I’m his biggest advocate. As I look down at his precious, messy face, I can’t help but think that I would in fact jump in front of a car if it were about to hit him. Is that foolish? Maybe it is, after all he doesn’t have a soul, but I care about him so much that it would kill me to watch him suffer.

In the book Crazy Love, the author challenges us to think about how God felt when he gave up His son, to die on the cross. The author challenges us to think about it in terms we could understand. Consider your own children. Think about letting them die in order to save someone else. When you think about it that way, you can truly feel and see the love that God has for us so much so that he let his own son die. I don’t have children. I don’t know what that feels like. The closest thing I could compare is if I were to choose to let my small white dog suffer, to let him die. I would have to love someone a WHOLE lot in order to allow that to happen. I can’t even comprehend it. Think about that. Maybe not with your dog, but with your child. God didn’t just think about it, He did it. Why? Because he loves us. That kind of love is worth recognizing. It’s incomprehensible to humans but offered to us freely. Wow. Just stop, and think about that.