A Habit Worth Keeping

I have some horrible habits. These habits have surpassed the bad label and are awarded the merit of horrible. Grotesque really. One such habit leaves me with poor excuses for thumbs. I somehow acquired the habit of thinking my thumb skin is a nutritious snack. I chew on it, pull on it, and bite it off until it bleeds. My thumbs no longer have thumbprints. All that is left is a smooth callused red surface. I know, it’s sick, right? You think it would hurt. You think I would want to stop. But no, as I sit here and write, I pause momentarily to take one more bite of my tormented cuticles.

That’s just my physical habit. Once again, on my quest to live transparently, I am going to admit to you one of my “inside” habits. I have the downright malicious habit of worry. I worry about every.little.thing. I worry about my job. I worry about if I will ever have kids. I worry about money. I worry about getting a gap in my teeth. I worry. Period. Even after I have seen the benefits that can come from laying all my worry down at the feet of Christ, I still worry. I’m a creature of habit. Bad habits.

When we discuss habits, we generally always put the spotlight on bad habits. We seem to forget that some habits are really quite good. Eating healthy is a good habit. Mind you, I lack in that habit big time. Exercising is a good habit. It pains me to say that! However, really think about this one. Although those 2 habits I just mentioned are considered good by the world’s standards, they can easily become bad if you do them with the wrong intention. When you are consumed with eating healthy or exercising because you are vain, then in my opinion it’s a bad habit. I think it is vital to ask yourself, when it comes to your habits, albeit, good or bad, what are your intentions?

When I worry, it is my intention to say to myself, “I’m in control and by worrying I somehow can change my circumstances.” I’m dead wrong. When we begin to realize that we need to turn it all over to God, ALL, not some, we then realize that our habits can go in the right direction. They can be healthy and done with a purpose. I don’t know about you, but I certainly don’t want to live a meaningless life. I feel that if I develop better habits, my life will reap the benefits. I’ve seen it happen before.

I was reminded tonight by good ‘ol Max Lucado that there are 4 essential habits that are healthy. Four habits that I lack. I don’t talk to God enough. I don’t study the Bible enough. I don’t give enough. I don’t fellowship enough.

It takes 21 days to start a habit. 3 weeks.  I better get busy. 

Unfathomable Love

They (whoever they are) say that you don’t realize how much you could love a child until you have one. I don’t doubt this. I believe this is true but I don’t have the capacity in my mind or heart at this point to understand it fully. Perhaps one of these days if God wills it, I will have a child of my own to love and cherish more than I would have ever expected. Until that day, I do have something that ‘they’ will say doesn’t compare, but I would say to them, it’s all I have. Don’t knock it.

I have Charlie. Charlie is my 6-pound, delightfully rotten, and cute as a button, Maltese puppy. He is not really a puppy, he is almost two, but he is my baby. He is as loving as he is bratty and my heart loves him so much that it is almost sickening. I always tell my mom that even when I do have kids, Charlie WILL NOT take the back burner. I will love him just the same. I know what you are all thinking, “just you wait.” I’ve heard it before. But, hear me now, Charlie will be in every Christmas picture until he dies because he is part of this family. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it and I will strive to never have to eat my words.

His warm little body is cuddled up next to me as I write this. It’s precious times like these that I crave. He doesn’t always show it but I know he loves me. He nips at me and sometimes growls at me when I smother him in kisses but I know he wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m his momma. I’m his biggest advocate. As I look down at his precious, messy face, I can’t help but think that I would in fact jump in front of a car if it were about to hit him. Is that foolish? Maybe it is, after all he doesn’t have a soul, but I care about him so much that it would kill me to watch him suffer.

In the book Crazy Love, the author challenges us to think about how God felt when he gave up His son, to die on the cross. The author challenges us to think about it in terms we could understand. Consider your own children. Think about letting them die in order to save someone else. When you think about it that way, you can truly feel and see the love that God has for us so much so that he let his own son die. I don’t have children. I don’t know what that feels like. The closest thing I could compare is if I were to choose to let my small white dog suffer, to let him die. I would have to love someone a WHOLE lot in order to allow that to happen. I can’t even comprehend it. Think about that. Maybe not with your dog, but with your child. God didn’t just think about it, He did it. Why? Because he loves us. That kind of love is worth recognizing. It’s incomprehensible to humans but offered to us freely. Wow. Just stop, and think about that.